Apathy and Uncertainty
by Takatomon
Summary: A young girl, confused with her visions of her childhood long past, struggles to live in a world where Digimon have been long forgotten...
1. Apathy and Uncertainty--Prologue: Penumb...

The Evil Little One

Apathy and Uncertainty

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Prologue

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"Penumbra"

***

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Fire…explosions…sirens…loud noises…

Mommy?!

Screaming…people falling…falling…

An inferno…

Daddy?! Daddy, where are you?!

Evil laughter…raining fire…

Unearthly cries…shadows everywhere…

Antaremon, no! Don't leave me now, we only just met!

****

CRIMSON LIGHTNING!!

Red….everything's red!! Antaremon, don't go! I need you!

ANTAREMON!!

***

My name is Fae La'Griffe. 

Why the hell do you care?

You don't know me. You've never been around me.

You've never SEEN me, for God's sake! 

Oh yeah?! Fuck you too, bitch! 

Like I give a shit about your pathetic little life!

You're just trying to help?!

Get the fuck away from me! I don't need a shrink, I don't need a friend, I don't need YOU! 

Come to think of it, when the hell did you even get here?! 

Christ, this is bad for my blood pressure.

Either you sit down, shut up, and listen to my story, or I shove you out the fucking window. 

Glad to see you're silent now. 

Tut! No questions! 

Quit it!

Don't talk!

Stop it, goddamn you!

DON'T MAKE ME THROW YOU OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW!!

NOW CALM DOWN, **SIT** DOWN, AND SHUT THE HELL UP!!

You already asked me who I was, and you didn't even know you were gonna be dragged into this longass tale?

By God, the ignorance of people today.

Well, it all started a long time ago…

***

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Author's Notes: Yes, sigh, it's another one of those Fictional Digi-Destined. How I shame myself with her existance…but, eh, this is pretty much what everyone does. And if you're wondering, no, Fae is NOT based on me. The only thing that she has that is the same aspect of myself is her insanely cynical attitude. This is going to be the longest series I ever write, if I ever get around to finishing other chapters…I don't have the greatest attention span. 


	2. Apathy and Uncertainty--Chapter 1: Misan...

Apathy and Uncertainty

Apathy and Uncertainty

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Chapter 1

"_Misandry"_

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I dislike people. I immensely dislike people. And you know what? People dislike me too. I guess I just repel anyone capable of rational thought.

Not like I MEAN to or anything. I need someone to talk to just as much as the Pope needs to go to church. Bad comparison, I know, but you get my point, right?

And, as you've discovered already, I'm a bitch. My name has become synonymous with bitch. I am the bitch overlady or whatever. You know NOBODY as bitchy as I! Well, maybe that's an overstatement, but to put it simply as I have before: I'm just your everyday mega-bitch. 

…without that pissy old lady attitude, of course. 

Don't you hate those kind of people? Y'know, 60 year old bus drivers that have the permanent PMS? They could run the goddamn bus into a lamp post and kill everyone on board—yes, I know that's pretty damn impossible—and she'd still hold out her hand for her paycheck and say "Gimme." 

I'm wandering and stuff now, aren't I? Yeah, I am. You came to hear my life story, and my life story ye shall have! Even though it's not the nicest story around. 

But, then again, I am not the nicest person, and I do not know the nicest people.

If I were some closet romance novel reader, I'd say that this story's about love and loss and the want and need for friendship and stuff.

Not that I read romance novels or anything. *cough*

So I guess all I can say is that this is the tale of myself, Faery Sioned La'Griffe, and how I gained and lost my best—not to mention ONLY—friend. 

***

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Author's Notes: Wh33. Fun. Short chapter, but I'm not quite into the good stuff yet, am I? No, noooo…I'm not. 

And Sioned is pronounced "Shuh-ned" by the way :P


	3. Apathy and Uncertainty--Chapter 2: Pande...

Apathy and Uncertainty-- Pandemonium and it's Kin

Apathy and Uncertainty

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Chapter 2

"_Pandemonium and it's Kin"_

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Fae hit her alarm clock repeatedly until it stopped it's incessant chirping. _Mental note_, she thought. _Add alarm clocks to your Destroy list_…

Rolling over until she fell out of her bed and hit the floor, Fae remained motionless on her rug several minutes before mustering up the willpower needed to get up and dressed. 

After throwing on the cleanest clothes she could find and brushing her hair hastily, she grabbed her bag and went out the apartment door, not bothering to check up on her alcoholic mother. She was probably sleeping with some other asshole guy. As always. 

"Shit!" Fae yelled, running down the stairs instead of taking the elevator. She couldn't take the chance that someone else was on there. "I'm late, I'm late, I am SO late!" 

After nearly breaking the door open at the bottom of the stairwell, she ran past several people and out onto the sidewalk, hoping that nobody would pull out a gun and shoot her or something. 

"I'm so getting a detention for this!!" Fae ran down familiar streets and finally skidded to a stop in front of her school. Kids were still loitering around outside and Fae breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank God…" She said to herself, walking through to doors and into the dreaded school. 

***

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Giggle, giggle! Hee hee, Fae! Come on! Try to find me!

Antaremon! Don't run away! What would happen if you got caught? I would cry!

*giggle*! Fae, just try to find me! Play the game, please, for me?

No, no, I can't, what if we get lost! Antaremon, please get down from there! I can't reach up there, and you might fall! I wouldn't know what to do if you got hurt, 'cuz the vet'narian wouldn't take you, 'cuz you aren't an animal!

Oh, you spoil all of my fun!

Mommy's going to worry if we don't get home pretty soon! It's getting dark. 

You'll have to catch me first!! *giggle*

Antaremon, no, come back!

***

"FAE! SIT UP AND PAY ATTENTION!!" Her teacher, Miss Danelle, slapped a ruler on her desk. Sitting up with a start, Fae mentally gave her the one finger salute. 

"Sorry, ma'am," Fae mumbled at the grumpy history teacher. 

"Now as you all know…" Fae tuned out the rest of her teacher's rant, and turned her mind back to the dream that she had. 

That entire situation with "Antaremon" as the scorpion thing called itself was just a dream, right? It was all a dream…it was just an imaginary friend, and Fae needed a friend…

Fae needed a friend oh-so-badly.

Kids used to tease her at school all of the time. She never had any friends. 

But Antaremon…

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No! Antaremon wasn't real! Fae shook her head. _It was all a fucking dream. I was a deluded kid, it wasn't real. It wasn't real…it did not happen, Antaremon was not real. _

But Fae…

NOT REAL!! She screamed inwardly. 

"…and thus ends class. Dismissed!!"

***

"I can't believe I still remember where it happened," Fae said to herself, looking down an allyway she remembered as a child.

"I was running, trying to catch up to Antaremon…and…it was just a dream. All a dream. None of that actually happened. It was just a psychological problem, and it DID NOT HAPPEN…

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Giggle!!

"IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, GODDAMN YOU!! QUIT PLAGUING ME!!" Fae screamed and ran out of the ally, and didn't stop…

***

The only sound that filled her ears after an uncountable period of time was the sound of her boots hitting the concrete sidewalk in rhythm.

__

It…*pound*…didn't…*pound*…HAPPEN!! *pound*…

She repeated her mantra over and over in her head until she felt her side cramp up with the pain of running too long. 

"God…damn you, Antaremon!!" Fae screamed to no one and began to cry. "WHY MUST YOU HAUNT ME?! GODDAMN YOU!!" 

Fae fell to her knees and pounded the ground, oblivious to the stares of onlookers.

***

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Author's Notes: I can't write serious fics when I'm not in a serious mood! Damnit! 

Anyway…I like this fic, and if you don't, then, in the words of Fae: Piss off, scag!

Chapter 3 coming whenever I get off my lazy ass and write it…And it will be longer, I guarantee.


	4. Apathy and Uncertainty--Chapter 3: Nosta...

Apathy and Uncertainty--Nostalgia of What Shouldn't Be

Apathy and Uncertainty 

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Part 4

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"Nostalgia of What Shouldn't Be"

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"A feeling of sadness and longing

That is not akin to pain

And resembles sorrow only

As the mist resembles the rain."

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

(1807-82)

U.S. Poet

Taken from "The Day is Done"

***

"FIGHT!" The game said as Fae mindlessly pounded on the standard arcade machine buttons. People gathered around only to see how badly she could get her ass kicked, but were surprised when they saw that she wielded the character Steve Fox with a surprising amount of skill. 

"Steve, you're such a manwhore…kick his ass…" She gritted her teeth and concentrated on Heihachi's health, making sure she occasionally looked at what her fingers were doing. 

"You win!" Fae hmphed in pride, and kept playing until she got bored. She'd gotten so much practice on this machine, and it was *so* old…

She just loved the game. She would have entered tournaments, but the game was merely to relieve stress and get her mind off of things. Which, of course, made her a regular at the arcade. She was surprised that they hadn't installed an intercom system telling people to clear away from the Tekken 4 machine when she walked through the doors by now. But other regulars respected her, and cleared away when she came in. 

She could be very menacing if she didn't get her daily dose of T4. 

"So, Fae, you packin' up for today?" Darron, another regular at the arcade, asked Fae eagerly. 

"Yeah. The machine's all yours." '_Bitch…_' she added under her breath.

"Thanks!" She heard him yell before she left the arcade. She pretty much hated the people in there. Most of the people who went there were newbies, and Fae despised newbies almost as she despised cocky players. Newbies had no respect for anyone…

Fae wandered the streets of her hometown for a bit, wondering what she should do next and trying to rid her mind of the visions of Antaremon she had been having as of late. The memories of the scorpion like creature haunted her constantly. She had struggled to remember all these years, and suddenly they come rushing back to her? Something definitely wasn't in it's place…

Did she really miss that creature, though? The one that caused her so much trouble? She stuck with it, though. …Did she love it? She supposed she did. Otherwise she wouldn't have given it the time of day…

Taking a shortcut to avoid the troubled neighborhoods, Fae decided to make her way home at a very slow pace. She needed some time to think, and her three hour Tekken4 binge had done nothing to ease her mind. She knew her mom wasn't worried about her…her mom didn't care about much of anything nowadays. Fae could sleep on the streets and come home the next day, and she wouldn't receive a greeting, a 'How was your day, honey?', or even a "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH?! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!! GODDAMN YOU!! YOU'RE TOO IRRESPONSIBLE!!"

Fae kicked a rock, angry at her mother. How the hell could *she* be so irresponsible?! Not even caring about her own daughter…All she wanted was some attention. Not even a lot of attention. Just enough to know that someone would care if she was found dead in the streets. 

"No…No, Fae, you're not going to concentrate on your bitch/whore mother. You need to concentrate on happy things. Or even not-so-happy things. So long as they aren't your own problems…" She whispered to herself as she walked down a familiar ally, her combat books clunking on the sidewalk the only sound that reached her ears…

***

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"Antaremon, where are you going?"

"Home, silly!! Everyone has a home, don't they?"

"Umm…I guess so."

"Guess? Hee hee! That sounds fun! Let's play a game!!"

"No, no games, Antaremon…"

"Why not?"

"Because I can't be late for supper…mommy might get mad…"

"Mad, schmad! Who cares? Let's play!"

"If you say so…"

"Let's go to my home!! That should be a lot of fun!!"

"…But…"

"No buts, let's go!!" 

…movement…I'm nowhere!!…no solid ground!! Where am I?! Am I still alive?!

Antaremon, what've you done to me?!

"Grrr…isn't this *fun*, little Fae?!" 

…so cold…

"You don't *like* playing with me, DO YOU, little Fae?!"

…growling…your voice changed, Antaremon…

"You like to RESTRICT—"

…pain…Antaremon, what are you doing?! 

"—my fun, DON'T you, little Fae?"

…Antaremon, quit it…your claws hurt! You're making my arms bleed!!

"I'm just a figment of your imagination, RIGHT—"

Ca…can't…breathe…le…let go…of…m…my neck!! An…Antarem…on!!

"—little Fae?!"

…so…cold…

"You don't LIKE this, do you, little Fae?!"

…can't…see…black, blinding light…

…metamorphed voices…

…Antaremon, why are you being so evil?!…

"I'll send you spiraling into oblivion, LITTLE FAE!!"

…screams…

…my screams…?

"CRIMSON LIGHTNING!!"

…burning…

…evil laughter…

…raining fire…

…shadows…shadows everywhere!!…

…why's everything so red?!…

…I feel like I'm on fire…

…it hurts so bad, Antaremon!!…

…you're not Antaremon anymore…

…you're too evil to be Antaremon…

"I WON'T HAVE IT!!" I felt my rage burning hotter than the air surrounding me…

Fae woke with a scream.

***

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Author's Notes: I'm writing for the sake of writing now, and I'm not currently caring about how many reviews I get. Those that actually stumble across this, I hope you're enjoying my pisspoor ability to write.


	5. Apathy and Uncertainty--Chapter 4: Fata ...

Apathy and Uncertainty

Apathy and Uncertainty

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Chapter 4

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"Fata Morgana"

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That was the worst nightmare she had ever had.

"It had to have been a dream…it wasn't real, Fae, just _breathe_…" Fae had a hand on her chest, her shirt soaked with a cold sweat. 

"Antaremon never did that…he wasn't **able**…Christ, why the **fuck** am I dreaming such stupid, silly things?!" Fae threw her covers off of her bed and got up to get a drink of water. 

"Stupid…getting scared by dreams…" She mumbled, filling up her glass with water. "It couldn't have possibly ever happened. Just a little kid thing."

"…but…it was so…vivid…" she took a drink of water. "…but it wasn't real. Not. Real. Not real at all, just the left-overs of a stupid, pointless, lonely childhood, just the end result of a crazy, imaginative kid. Not real in the fuckin' slightest. Not real. NOT REAL!!" she screamed and threw the glass against the wall. It shattered, water and glass shards spraying everywhere. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?! I liked that glass!!" Fae turned around.

"Fuck you." She brushed past her frazzled mother and went back to her room to get some more sleep.

***

The rest of the night was blissfully uneventful. 

Fae had managed to get at least a few hours of sleep before her alarm clock scared the hell out of her with it's sudden, piercing noise. She quickly got dressed in randomly grabbed garments from her closet, but instead of rushing to school like she did yesterday, she decided to sit back and maybe eat something. 

If the teachers wanted her to be in school badly enough, they'd call the cops and have her dragged out of the apartment. 

And it wasn't like her mother cared or anything.

Plopping down in her rarely used chair at the kitchen table, she quietly ate her breakfast as she contemplated what the dream could have possibly meant. She adamantly believed that her entire childhood and that nightmare last night were early signs of schizophrenia or something. Such things were not products of a healthy mind. There was no way in hell any of that could have possibly happened, and there was no way that little monster creatures possibly existed.

Especially not those that talk. 

"All it was when I was a kid was just pretending to talk to a stuffed animal. Stuffed animals aren't supposed to talk back and…that would explain it. I was just a psycho, lonely kid. None of this happened, not a single fucking second of it…" She threw her spoon down into her bowl and glanced down at her reflection in the stainless steel below. 

Ringed around her neck in the shape of very large, very bony fingers were bright purple bruises. 

"**Jesus H. Christ**!!" She shouted, jumping up and nearly knocking the table over. She shook her head in disbelief and ran to the bathroom.

"It was just a discoloration of the spoon, that was it!! That crazy-ass nightmare meant NOTHING!! None of it happened!" Fae yelled as she ran to the bathroom to check in the mirror. 

She looked at her reflection and rubbed her neck where she had seen the marks. There were none there now, as she could tell, and she was satisfied, but more than a little paranoid. 

She walked back to the kitchen and looked at her reflection in the spoon again. It was as the bathroom mirror told it: there were no bruises. 

"I am seriously going insane…" She muttered, throwing on her coat and walking out of her apartment door. 

***

Even when she walked through the streets with so many people surrounding her, Fae always got the feeling that someone was watching her, and closely at that. She kept stealing glances behind her and all around, never satisfied that she was alone. 

She didn't feel like going to school today; she was afraid she might crack in front of the entire school, and then she'd **definitely** be hoisted away by the men in white coats. 

Going to the nuthouse was not the highest priority on Fae's 'To Do' list. 

Instead, she wandered the town, searching for something to do and get her mind off of things. The arcade was definitely out. It wasn't even open until school was dismissed, seeing as how most of the paying customers are kids. Going home and sleeping was out, too. Although her mother didn't give a shit if Fae went to school or not (she was over 16, after all, and could legally drop out), she still didn't want Fae hanging around the house. "If you're not going to get some knowledge in that worthless head of yours, at least stay away so I don't have to see it," she always said. 

While strolling the town wasn't her idea of 'fun', it was definitely better than being driven away by the 'milkmen.' 

She hummed to herself as she walked endlessly, dipping in and out of alleyways as she went. She hated staying in alleys for long, though. She always felt vulnerable most there, away from people. 

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Little Fae…

Resisting the urge to run out of the alley she was currently in, she stopped dead in her tracks. "Wh—Who's there…?" She called out tentatively. 

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Don't you recognize me?

Fae whirled around, looking everywhere for the source of the voice. "Just tell me who the hell you are!!" She screamed after finding nothing. 

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I'm sad, Fae! You don't remember!!

"Remember what?!" Fae had her back pressed up against the back wall of the alley: the one thing that was keeping her from running like hell and going back to her own home, climbing into her own bed, and crawling under her own blankets and sobbing like a baby from fear. 

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Your promise, Little Fae!

In front of her eyes materialized a creature she did not recognize; it looked as if it could be a lion, it's powerful haunches and giant paws that, Fae estimated, could rip her apart in mere seconds. What made Fae doubt that it was a lion was the scorpion tail that accented it's powerful authority. 

"Wh—what promise?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"That you'd be back," The creature growled, raising a paw into the air.

"Be back…?"

"You said you'd come back to me!! YOU NEVER DID!!" Fae covered her eyes as she cowered in the corner, waiting for the creature to strike and knock her head clean off. 

The deathblow never came.

Finally uncovering her eyes, she looked at where the creature was standing. It was, as anyone could plainly see, not there. 

"…What the flying fuck was that…?" She whimpered, getting up and brushing the gravel and dirt off of her clothes. 

It had said something about 'coming back'…

"Notrealnotrealnotrealnotrealnotreal…That entire thing was not real. Just an illusion. Illusions play tricks on people. I'm gonna go to the doctor and see if I messed with something in my mind. Things like that should not have happened. I'm not sane now, and I'm convinced. Not **real**…" Fae ran back to her apartment, not even stopping to nurse the stitch in her side. 

But where her apartment should be, there was, instead, a grove of trees. 

In fact, none of the scenery seemed familiar to the confused girl. 

"Did I make a wrong turn..?" Fae asked herself, jogging down to the end of the street and read the street signs. "Still the same…" She blinked in disbelief. 

"This can't be happening at **all**…WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" 

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Come back to me, Little Fae…your chores aren't done yet…

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!"

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You said you'd keep your promise to me, Little Fae…

"I DON'T CARE WHAT I SAID!! JUST GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"

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You said that you'd stay with me forever, Little Fae…we're partners…

"PARTNERS MY **ASS**!! YOU'RE STALKING ME!! WHAT THE FUCK **ARE** YOU?!"

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Partners stick together, little Fae…

"TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE!!!"

"You shouldn't have broken your promise."

That was the last thing Fae heard before blackness suddenly overwhelmed her. 

***

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Author's Notes: …Last chapter, I should give credit and stuff to Namco, 'cause they be's the ones that own Tekken4. Steve Fox may own me, but I don't own him. 

Heihachi, however, does not own me, because he is an old and scary man.


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